I read an interesting article about prodigal children today.
The author outlines how, after a time of grieving and hope for reconciliation, the parents of a prodigal child move on to live lives of joy. We pray for reconciliation some day, and we pray for their acceptance of Christ (she may not, but we do), but at some point, we just move on.
I have noticed that prodigal children appear to have some idea that we are being constantly tortured by their absence. It encourages them to stay in their “vengeance” and punishment phase to believe they are somehow ruining our lives, when it really just punishes them.
Imagine forging through life without a father or mother by choice, not by circumstance.
My generation didn’t just cut off parents because we disagreed or felt “judged.” We know relationships are messy, and we are the first generation left at home for hours a day all alone…we are the OG latchkey kids. The feral generation.
But instead of completely rejecting our parents and going no contact to ensure we never had to learn anything from them, we observed what worked and what didn’t work, and then accepted and rejected ideas going forward. We didn’t need to isolate ourselves out of fear we might hear something we don’t want to hear.
God writes in our heart His existence, as well as our need for family. A rejecting parent or an absent parent can write dysfunction in our lives until it’s confronted and healed. It can cause heartache and pain and feelings of immense loss. What happens when an adult child intentionally cuts off a parent? Does it enhance their lives?
A prodigal will attempt to convince themselves their choices to reject a parent are just, and they are “better off.” Their lives rarely reflect that idea (anti-depressants, escapism, failure to move into adulthood), but instead they feel anger, sadness and a feeling of being lost. They will choose their own pride over healing and forgiveness, and then insist they are still the victim.
The prodigal makes the parent the enemy, ignoring their own shortcomings, failings and even transgressions against the parent. They try and convince themselves they have done no wrong.
In my experience, the prodigal is often the one that is incapable of their own introspection. They are great at pointing out what they believe are transgressions against them, but cannot grasp the harm their own behavior and actions have cost the relationship.
I’m sure it’s hurtful to the prodigal to finally realize that the parent’s life is joyful and fulfilled.
We don’t spend all day thinking about your rejection. We have mourned your absence, we have worked through the pain, and now we occasionally think of you as we would think of someone that has passed. Our job assigned by God is to raise you in the fear and admonition of the Lord as believers, and what you do as an adult is your accountability. It’s between you and God. We feel blessed when we can have relationships with healthy adult children.
And, occasionally, we check up on you to assess whether or not you have matured, where your headspace may be, and if the Lord is opening your heart.
God created us to worship Him.
But our second greatest purpose is to become one in our husband and wife relationship. (Yes I’m aware that will trigger you, but God created the world, created us, and created marriage.)
When children grow up, what remains is marriage. By design, the husband and wife relationship is the priority by God. It honors God.
We were both unequally yoked in our first marriage, with unbelievers who couldn’t help but be abusive as they did not know Jesus. We both wish we had followed Christ properly to avoid our failings, but we did not. We have both apologized for our failings and we live out the consequence of that failing.
We are both now firmly rooted in Christ, in our marriage, and in our brothers and sisters in Christ. I know that bothers you, and you think it’s just a “religion” and you don’t want to discuss it. Sadly, it’s not a surprise.
There is a twinge of missing you at times, and sometimes we feel the void even greater, but time is a healer. We have adjusted to the change, to the new life, and it becomes harder as time passes to even imagine the ripple that would occur by having a prodigal return without repentance and a change of heart.
A stable loving family requires everyone put in the effort to be kind and loving and Christlike; an unrepentant prodigal can be incredibly destructive. Lies are destructive. And we can’t be a part of that again.
