Happy birthday to my first two children, born on the same day. The oldest born at 6:20 p.m., the other at 6:20 a.m.
My sweet A, my second born.
I miss the cuddly days, but I am so proud of the young woman she has become. We can’t be with her today, she’s at college, but we sent her with birthday cake and sent her some goodies.
She spent most of last year away from home at college, and then working all summer in New Mexico for her summer break. She’s coming home in just a few weeks, and we are looking forward to having her here again. Our big family vacation up north that we take each year is also coming up, and we are now up to 28 total people in one big house for a big race weekend. It’s going to be a great summer.
My second born. I haven’t celebrated her birthday officially now for the last 6 birthdays/five years. When she was 19, we all (which includes her 4 sisters) tried to celebrate with her before we left for a road trip (on which she didn’t want to join us, wanted to work instead to move out the next month). She wouldn’t even get out of bed to enjoy the big pancake breakfast her sister made her and open her gifts. We left a few hours later and when we returned home 6 days later, it was still sitting on the table exactly as we left it. When her sister A finally told here there was a set of cards she wanted for her birthday, she opened just that part of the gift. She left the rest in gift bags on the table until we finally cleaned it up.
When she moved out, she stopped contacting us. She did still contact my mom (now deceased) and dad (he paid/pays? for her car, insurance and phone for years), but she mostly just ignores us, even when she enters the house we all live in (including my dad). Last year, my second-born that shares the same birthday turned 21. My second-born texted her sister “Happy Birthday.” Her response was “thank you,” not even a happy birthday in return for her big birthday.
When she turned 21 (three years ago) I sent her a gift (through her sisters that were still seeing their dad every other weekend). Her dad’s new wife told her to write me a note telling me not to send her gifts or contact her, so she did. That was the last time I attempted to give her a gift (I had done it many times before and she would just let it sit there untouched). My girls once told my mom this fact, and my mom denied it ever happened, it just wasn’t possible. My mom lived in denial of how she treated us. My dad does as well.
So here I sit on her 24th birthday and this is my only outlet to wish a happy birthday to the girl that made me a mother. I take that back, God made me a mother after years of heartache and trial and prayer, then with God’s guidance I made me a mother by figuring out my infertility issues. It stings because I prayed so hard, and sacrificed so much for my children only to be discarded like a piece of trash by my first born. To rub salt in the wound, my dad enables her behavior and never calls her out for her lack of love and disrespect for her family.
In the end, I know what to expect from unbelievers that live their lives in the HERE and NOW, without any fear of judgment or consequence, but it still hurts.