It has now been 10 years since they decided we weren’t worthy to be in their lives.
Ten years since they both tried to destroy the family we made together by lying to each other, their mother, my husband’s family, even to the police.
They wanted what they wanted, no matter who they destroyed.
I miss what could’ve been.
I had so many hopes and dreams for our family.
It is…what it is.
Our life has been rather peaceful without worrying about whatever whim would propel them to try and destroy us. Nothing we said or did would ever be right for them, they need someone to blame for their lives, and we are that blame.
In ten years, neither has ever admitted wrongdoing, nor asked for forgiveness. I can’t say that I’m surprised, though I had hoped to see some emotional maturity in the later 20s. They have no desire to have an actual loving father in their lives because that would mean also facing their own shortcomings and learning how to seek repentance. Their pride won’t allow them to seek reconciliation.
The result is that they haven’t been part of our lives for a decade. Each year that passes, our lives are built without them, and their own is built without us. It gets harder each year to imagine them in our lives, as we have built traditions and memories without them and honestly, we know nothing about them…and they don’t want to know anything about us.
That doesn’t mean we wouldn’t make room for them, we would. The truth is, they have missed so much of our lives, because they wanted to, not because they couldn’t be in our life. It’s hard to imagine letting someone back in your life without a repentant heart, so here we are, 10 years later…wishing things would change, but having no expectation.
We love our family. We laugh together all the time. We share meals. We go to church together, serve together, travel together, and we rarely fight…bicker now and then, sure, but our God-centered family has really thrived. Our girls work hard, study hard, and are considerate.
There’s so much to be said about the nurture aspect of family, more than I ever imagined. I wonder in amazement at times the mannerisms and humor my girls have adopted from their step dad. Silly jokes? They love them. Board games? Yep. Some days we all make comments like “are you sure you’re not genetically related?” We all see it.
He is such an amazing example of a man that will sacrifice for his family, even to exhaustion, and he has been an amazing example of a godly man to them. He loves to laugh and play, be silly with them, tell dad jokes, go to amusement parks, and motivate them to do things they never thought they would do (like hike 14ers and run half marathons). He is the epitome of a “hands-on” dad, one that truly enjoys being around his girls, as much as I do.
We are headed off for another adventure this week with 21 of our closest friends from church. We rented an “event center” of sorts, almost like our own camp. We are playing a fun 3 day game, running a race, and having adventure. We are enjoying every minute with our 3 adult children and one still in high school while they still have time to vacation with us, and we are relishing every minute.
I’m sad the other 3 are missing out; they aren’t sad, but I am, because I know they all rejected a healthy family that could have shared in their happiness and in our own.