RMLE

I woke up before the sun rose this morning with you on my mind. I’m not sure if I dreamed about you, or if it was yesterday’s holiday that made me lament your absence.

I often wonder if you will regret your choices some day, or if you will always believe in the justification of your absence and perceived retribution. I know you believe with all of your heart that your actions are well-deserved, but time and experience has a way of filling our hearts with loss and conviction for our own choices and actions.

When that day comes, will you be able to recognize truth? Will you be able to even remember your own words and actions? Or will you selectively accept your own lies and make them truth? My prayers are that you finally break free of the cycle of abuse and lies, seek out God’s grace and freedom where truth and love exist.

I mostly feel sorrow for all that you are missing, which also means I feel sorrow for all that we are missing as well. That will never change; I will never stop lamenting what could have been, even while knowing that I am grateful to not be in the position of constant abuse and lies. One can not help imagining what life could be, all while accepting the gifts and grace of God of what does exist and showing my constant gratitude for His gifts.

We pray for you, hope for you, wish the best for you, even through our pain, even though we know it is not returned.